Remember the finale of 30 Rock?
Liz Lemon and new husband Criss adopted twins. Liz's job had come to an end anyway, so she stayed home, while Criss got a job as a dental receptionist. He hated it. She hated it. So they decide to switch.
Criss: "You're the dad."
Liz: "I do like ignoring your questions while I try to watch TV."
Of course, a heterosexual couple can adopt relationship roles that suit their personalities without merely aping old-fashioned, patriarchal patterns. Most women are looking for some version of equality that suits both partners' personalities, not the Barcalounger model of fatherhood that the 30 Rock joke riffs on.
But some women have really type-A, go-getter personalities. And some men are really not cut out for the stress of having to make a living. Some women aren't just looking for a relationship where everybody does everything.
And I want those people to meet and be happy together, without society getting all over their case.
I also went career-oriented men to know that some of us aren't into that. And I want men who aren't really into careers but have other fine qualities to know that lots of extremely capable women wanna get with you (especially if you cook and give massages). The patriarchy sucks not just for women, but also for men who feel judged for their paychecks.
(Note: This post is specifically about male/female couples and their interactions with outmoded gender roles. Just want to give a shout-out: obviously, not everyone is straight and not everyone has a binary gender.)
The assumption that straight women want high-flying, ambitious men is increasingly false
I became interested in this topic after a string of bad dates. A friend of mine said he had also been on a lot of dates with men who didn't have time for-or an interest in-a real relationship.
He passed on some advice he'd been given: to look for men in the "caring professions"-nurses, teachers, veterinarians, etc.
That's not a panacea, of course. I'm sure that many flight attendants who cater to everyone's needs at work all day are really tired of playing that role when they get home-they want someone else to get them some damn peanuts, thankyouverymuch.
But, while misogynists have been warning each other about "career women" (a phrase I think we should kill) for decades, it still seemed like such countercultural advice to tell a woman to avoid "career men."
But, from Tracy Moore on Jezebel:
As women are increasingly autonomous, we must recalibrate our idea of what a good woman is, but also what a good man is, too. Just as we must expect men to not be threatened by a high-achieving or high-earning, accomplished, intelligent woman, we also must be able to see men as something other than only earners or doers who must baseline provide.
And from The Clutch:
According to the Brookings Institute, Black women are more likely to marry down than their white counterparts, because they are surpassing men in the area of education and careers. What they failed to mention also is that advanced degrees don't mean crap nowadays. Also, if a black woman is happy with marrying down, so be it.
While couples have always worked out all kinds of unique arrangements that work for them, the part that's new here is the advice to single women-maybe you don't want to "marry up," or look for someone at least as ambitious and educated as you. Maybe being half of a power couple isn't ideal for a lot of high-flying women. Some women would do better coming home to a cheerful, accommodating spouse who putte